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14 years ago
Saturday, February 6, 2010
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I started work again on Monday and there are some revelations that have been made apparent since. First, and this is a little embarrassing, but I feel smart when I work. I work at a job that is specialized, very few women, at a prestigious firm and I am pretty good at what I do. I feel like it kind of defines me, as I'm not the cutest, or best homemaker, or craftiest, etc., so when I work it seems like my nitch. HOWEVER...my mom takes Cora on Fridays and so she was at our house Thursday night and decided to just take Cora home with her for a sleepover so we wouldn't have to drop her off. Seems like a rational, effective idea, right? But as I was packing her up and waving goodbye, I swear I felt like I was losing an arm. I cried for about 2 hours and when I started to feel better I would still get these panic attacks every 10 minutes where I would jump up--heart skipping a beat--wondering where she was, if she could breathe, if she was warm enough... I had nightmares all night so I finally went over to my moms and worked at her house. On the way over, I almost threw-up I was so excited! I just sat downstairs and worked and every couple of hours I would go up and hug/smell Cora. I don't get much work done if I am taking care of her, so I have to commit myself to one or the other. Anyway, this is a long post, but I feel torn. I don't like my job (except for that weird satisfaction it gives me) so I keep thinking I can't wait until we move to Washington so I can be a stay-at-home-mom, but now I wonder if I am going to really miss working............
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11 comments:
awwww, kates! let's catch up soon, ok?
xoxo
I'm sorry to hear about the panic attacks! But that's really sweet all at the same time! It's crazy how much we live for these little babies! My vote is, when you guys move and you become "just" a stay-at-home-mom, FILL your life with lots more good things that can begin to define you and this next step in life! Make sense? If not- call me. :)
Now that all I want to do is be able to stay home with baby, Kev is reminding me that I used to despise that option. I thought I'd miss working and I thought I'd miss adult interaction.
But the more I think about it, the more I hope my stay-at-home dream can come true. There's nothing more important that I could be doing for my family.
Know what I think, Katie? I think this means you're a really good mom. Maybe you can do a little of work and lots of mama all at the same time? I don't know. Good luck. I feel your pain on the separation anxieties. I'm a complete case. Just can't leave them pretty much ever. Why can't all the people I love just be in the same place at once all the time? Is that too much to ask???
I feel your pain...
I think it's great you missed Cora so much! Now your mom doesn't think I am the only crazy one! That's why I could never leave my babies overnight! I get way too nervous because I check on them all night! I think you will love being at home with Cora, some days you will definately miss work but at least you won't miss that first word, first step, etc.... You're an amazing mom!
Katie, I am sorry you were having panic attacks. When they are so young, you really are tending to them constantly and it does feel like they are your right arm. Good luck in your upcoming decision. The good news is you will always be a mom no matter what you decide.
Awww... I'm always very happy to leave work. For some quiet time. You must be an excellent mother.
WAIT... when/where are you moving??
We are really going to miss your family!
Hey Katie your sweet baby is darling. I need to meet her. What is your schedule like in the next few weeks? I am pretty open. email me or caLl me. And don't worry I have anxiety attacks a lot. That's what us moms do. `
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